Finding Comfort in Shared Experiences: Reflecting on School Days and ADHD Traits

I recently found myself reflecting on my school years after a conversation with a client exploring her own experiences with undiagnosed ADHD. As she described her struggles, I recognised many of the same challenges in my own life. From difficulty focusing during lectures to impulsivity and memory lapses, especially as family life and menopause added new demands, it felt like looking into a mirror. This shared experience sparked a deeper understanding of how these traits shaped our school days and beyond.

Recognising ADHD Traits in School Life

Many people with ADHD traits describe their school years as a mix of frustration and confusion. For me, lectures were a constant battle to maintain focus. I often found myself drifting away from the material, struggling to retain information for exams. This wasn’t due to lack of effort but rather an internal challenge that felt invisible to teachers and peers.

Impulsivity showed up in small ways, blurting out answers, shifting attention quickly, or acting on sudden urges. Memory lapses about details, which have worsened over time, made it harder to keep up with expectations. These experiences were often misunderstood as laziness or defiance.

Talking with my client about her school days brought back memories of social exploration. Moving through different friend groups and feeling drawn to certain social dynamics was a familiar pattern. Socialising was one of the few parts of school I genuinely enjoyed. It offered a sense of connection and freedom that academic settings often lacked.

The Struggle with Conformity and Authenticity

One of the most striking similarities between my client’s story and my own was the feeling of being a non-conformist. Back then, this was often labelled as “being a rebel” or “digging your heels in.” But it wasn’t about rebellion for its own sake. It was an internal drive to be authentic, even when that looked like defiance to others.

School environments tend to reward conformity. When your internal feelings and beliefs don’t match those expectations, it creates tension. For those of us with ADHD traits, this tension often felt like a constant push and pull between fitting in and staying true to ourselves.

Teachers and authority figures sometimes saw this as a problem to fix rather than a difference to understand. The result was a sense of frustration, and a further want to escape school. We were not meeting the ideal mould, and that led to negative labels and missed opportunities for support.

Reflecting on memories of school days and ADHD traits

Finding Comfort in Shared Experiences

What I’ve learned through conversations with clients is the comfort that comes from recognising these traits in others. Knowing you are not alone in your struggles can be a powerful relief. It helps to reframe past experiences from feelings of failure to understanding and acceptance, and flourishing as adults as we strive and build ours, and families futures.

Sharing stories about school days, social challenges, and the internal need for authenticity creates a sense of community. It reminds us that many people have walked similar paths, even if their stories were hidden or misunderstood.

This shared understanding can also open doors to new ways of coping and thriving. For example:

• Building supportive relationships with people who understand your experiences

• Developing strategies to manage focus and impulsivity in daily life

• Embracing your unique strengths rather than trying to fit a narrow mould

  
  

Moving Forward with Awareness and Compassion

Reflecting on these shared experiences highlights the importance of awareness and compassion, both for ourselves and others. Recognising ADHD traits in ourselves or loved ones is not about assigning labels but about gaining insight that can lead to better support and self-care as well as reflecting on our strengths and high achievements, despite not thriving in school.

School years may have been challenging, but they also shaped resilience and self-awareness. By understanding the roots of our struggles, we can approach life with greater kindness and practical tools.

If you see yourself in these stories, consider reaching out for support or connecting with others who share similar experiences. You are not alone, and your journey toward understanding and acceptance is valuable.