Autism & ADHD: Why Starting and Stopping Tasks Feels Difficult.

taniaslt
Aug 3
6 min read

"I Can't Get Started... Then I Can't Stop"Understanding Why Everyday Transitions Can Feel So Difficult for Autistic and ADHD People.

By the team at Clinical Autism & ADHD Diagnostic Services (CADS)

Have you ever found yourself thinking:

"I know I need to do it... I just can't seem to get started."

Or perhaps you've finally begun a task, only to realise that stopping feels just as difficult.

This is a surprisingly common experience for many autistic and ADHD children, young people and adults. It can affect all sorts of everyday situations, including getting out of bed, leaving the house, starting work or homework, replying to messages, beginning household chores, moving on from a favourite activity, or even getting into the shower.

At CADS, we hear about these experiences regularly during autism and ADHD assessments. Although they can look very different on the surface, they are often linked by the same underlying processes: differences in executive functioning, sensory processing, transitions, interoception and nervous system regulation.

One example we hear time and again is:

"I know I need a shower, but I just can't make myself get in."

Often followed by:

"Once I'm in, I don't want to get out."

At first, this can seem contradictory. Family members may wonder why someone is reluctant to shower if they appear to enjoy it once they are there. Adults may become frustrated with themselves and question why such an everyday task feels disproportionately difficult.

However, the shower itself is rarely the real issue.

Instead, it provides a useful example of something much broader:

the challenge of transitioning from one state, activity or environment to another.

It's Not Just About Showering

Although showering is a common example, this same pattern often appears across many aspects of everyday life.

Autistic and ADHD people frequently describe experiences such as:

finding it difficult to get out of bed in the morning, but then struggling to go to bed at night
sitting on the sofa thinking about making dinner, but feeling unable to get up
delaying starting work, homework or household tasks, despite wanting to complete them
struggling to leave the house, even for activities they are looking forward to
postponing replying to emails or messages, despite thinking about them repeatedly
finding it difficult to stop reading, gaming or watching a favourite programme
sitting in the car for several minutes after arriving home before going inside
finding it difficult to leave a warm bath, cosy blanket or comfortable chair
becoming absorbed in a task and struggling to move on to the next one.

From the outside, these situations can sometimes be mistaken for procrastination, avoidance or a lack of motivation.

However, many autistic and ADHD people describe something quite different.

They know what they need, or want to do. They have every intention of doing it. Yet there seems to be an invisible barrier between deciding to act and actually beginning.

Likewise, once they are engaged in an activity, changing direction again can feel equally difficult.

The common thread is not the activity itself.

It is the transition.

The Difficulty Stopping and Starting May Not Be the Task Itself

For many autistic and ADHD people, the hardest part is not the activity.

It is changing from one state or activity to another.

Using showering as an example, getting into the shower involves transitioning from:

resting to becoming active
being absorbed in one activity to stopping it
dressed to undressed
dry to wet
familiar sensory input to new sensory input.

Getting out requires another transition:

warm water to cooler air
wet skin to drying
undressed to getting dressed
a calm, regulating environment to the next demand.

These transitions can require considerably more mental energy than many people realise.

This may explain why someone can genuinely want to shower, know they will feel better afterwards and still feel unable to begin.

A Shower Is Not Always Experienced as One Simple Task

From the outside, "have a shower" sounds like one straightforward instruction.

However, an autistic or ADHD brain may experience it as a sequence of many smaller tasks:

stop what I am doing
decide when to begin
find a towel
choose clean clothes
go upstairs
undress
adjust the water
wash
dry myself
get dressed
tidy everything away.

Each step requires planning, organisation, sequencing, decision-making and task initiation.

For someone experiencing executive functioning differences, this can make one everyday task feel unexpectedly overwhelming.

Executive Functioning and Task Initiation

Executive functioning refers to the mental skills that help us organise ourselves, begin tasks, shift attention, remember information and complete activities.

Autistic people and people with ADHD may experience differences in these skills.

A person may understand exactly what needs to be done but still struggle to translate that intention into action.

Children may appear to be delaying or avoiding.

Adults may sit thinking:

"I really need to do this..."

while feeling unable to begin.

This is not necessarily a lack of motivation.

Often, it is a difficulty with activation.

Autistic Inertia

Many autistic people describe experiencing what researchers call autistic inertia.

This refers to difficulty starting, stopping or switching between activities.

A useful way to think about this is that the brain may need significantly more energy to change direction.

Whether someone is reading, working, playing a game, scrolling on their phone or relaxing on the sofa, stopping one activity and beginning another can require considerable effort.

Once they have started, the same principle often applies in reverse.

The challenge is rarely the activity itself.

It is the transition into it, and back out again.

Sensory Processing Differences

Everyday activities involve much more sensory information than we often realise.

Using showering as an example, this includes:

removing clothing
changes in temperature
the feeling of water
different smells
the sound of running water
wet hair
drying with a towel
putting clothes back on.

Some autistic people may find these sensations uncomfortable or unpredictable, while others may find them deeply calming.

The same applies to many other everyday activities, where sensory experiences influence how easy or difficult it feels to start, continue or stop.

Why Can the Shower Feel So Calming?

Although entering the shower can feel difficult, being in the shower may feel incredibly regulating.

Warm water provides predictable sensory input.
The sound of running water masks background noise.
There are fewer social expectations and interruptions.

For someone who has spent the day navigating school, work, relationships, sensory overload or constant demands, the shower may become one of the few places where their nervous system genuinely begins to settle.

Leaving that environment means transitioning back into the next demand.

Again, the challenge is not the shower itself.

It is changing state.

ADHD, Hyperfocus and Time Blindness

For people with ADHD, showering may also become uninterrupted thinking time.

Many people replay conversations, solve problems, daydream or mentally process their day.

Because ADHD often affects time perception, ten minutes can quickly become thirty without the person realising.

Similar experiences can occur during gaming, reading, creative hobbies or work projects, where becoming deeply absorbed can make it difficult to notice the passing of time or move on to the next activity.

Looking Beyond Behaviour

One of the most important things we can do is look beyond the behaviour itself.

Instead of asking:

"Why won't they get in the shower?"

"Why can't I just make myself do it?"

we might instead ask:

Which part of the transition feels difficult?
Is there a sensory barrier?
Is the task made up of too many steps?
Does this activity provide a sense of regulation or safety?
What might make starting, or stopping, easier?

These questions encourage curiosity rather than judgement.

A Neuro-Affirming Perspective

At CADS, we believe it is important to understand the reasons behind a behaviour rather than making assumptions about it.

Whether someone struggles to start a shower, leave the house, begin a piece of work, move away from a favourite activity or simply get up from the sofa, these experiences may all reflect the same underlying neurodevelopmental differences.

When we recognise the role of executive functioning, autistic inertia, sensory processing, interoception and nervous system regulation, behaviours that once seemed confusing often begin to make sense.

Understanding these patterns can reduce shame, ease conflict and help individuals, families and professionals develop practical strategies that work with a person's neurodivergent brain rather than against it.

Sometimes, the difficulty isn't the task at all.

It's the transition between one moment and the next.

About CADS

Clinical Autism & ADHD Diagnostic Services (CADS) is an independent multidisciplinary service providing autism and ADHD assessments for children, young people and adults.

As neurodivergent practitioners, we take a neuro-affirming approach that recognises individual strengths, experiences and support needs. We aim to help people understand not only whether they may be autistic or have ADHD, but also why everyday situations can sometimes feel more difficult or require more energy.

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